This past week I have been feeling pretty good about myself.  I have been feeling quite lazy these days with the usual routine of taking care of babies, taking care of the house, and playing my fave online video games.  I had been feeling so uninspired and actually useless that I’d decided to abandon Cafe World for awhile (whether that’s temporary or not will be proven in time), and BE more productive.

Aside from blogging, I’ve actually made a few hand-made cards, and I even made birthday invitations for my youngest’s 1-year birthday (which isn’t even happening until late May!).  I’ve even decided that I will do some writing every day.  Although, I actually haven’t started on that task yet.

Not only am I a bit of a perfectionist but I find writing is an actual experience, and I don’t take it lightly.  Often times I will think about what I want to write, and I will dictate it in my head before even writing it down.  Mostly, this happens before bed, and I do end up with these wonderful passages of writing and conversation inside my head that SHOULD be recorded.  But when I am in bed, I am tired, exhausted and/or sleepy, and I am nowhere near pen and paper, so I often end up deciding I would rather sleep than get up to write it.  I think naively that I will remember the subject in the morning, as well as the prose, ideas and thoughts, but I wake up with a blank slate, barely remembering the topic itself.  It happens too commonly and although I would like to have had it written down, I feel no regrets about losing the words because I do value my sleep more, and I have a rich imagination and wonderful world inside my imagination that I can go to any time I want.

As for the actual experience of writing, I always feel that I need to have a specific environment to become absorbed in it.  Although I know that is not true, it is how I feel.  I suppose I equate the act of writing to nostalgia, music, beautiful notebooks and paper pages, pens and words that flow easily, and a mixed sense of peace, and urgency.  In other words, I need to be in an environment that compels me to write out my thoughts and to share the world(s) that I have created in my mind.  Sometimes it takes quite a bit of time before I can actually reach that state of mind, especially if I’m using the computer.

Most of the time though, I am quite content to keep my stories in my head as that imaginary world develops and evolves.

I know I should be more productive though, in all aspects of my life.  At least I’m making a start.  Blogging, writing, card-making, going on adventures and new outings with the family and kids….there is always something to break the routine, and to stimulate the body, mind and soul.

Time to stay out of that rut.